Feeling insecure or self-conscious? Do these 5 things

by B. WHYTE
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Ever have moments when you’re feeling insecure and it gets the best of you?

Moments when you get so deep in your insecurity that you spiral into anger, disappointment, depression…

The deeper you get into that sunken place, the harder it is to get out.

It’s lonely. Frustrating. Infuriating.

Can you relate? If so, keep reading.

 

Welcome to Day 3 of the Overcoming Insecurity Challenge

If you haven’t done the first 2 days of the challenge, do them here:

The first 2 days of the challenge, we talked about how to address low self esteem on a spiritual level.

Today we’re talking about 5 practical things you can do to instantly shift your mood and mindset.

This is why you MUST do this

An attack on your identity and self-esteem is an attack on your purpose.

If you don’t deal with insecurity, you’ll deal with its consequences (ex. Poor self image causes you to settle for less than you deserve. Your insecurities will convince you to hide when you should be showing up in this world fully and authentically. You’ll miss out on being the absolute best version of yourself. etc.)

And we cannot have that. Your life and future are worth more than that. You are worth more than that.

 

An attack on your identity and self-esteem is an attack on your purpose. Click To Tweet

 

Ready? Let’s get it.

 

What does it for you?

What is it that you believe about yourself that’s leaves you feeling insecure? Maybe it’s something about your body, your intellect, or your personality that leaves you feeling disgusted with yourself.

Whatever it is, think about that thing. We’re gonna face it now.

But first, hear me when I say this: Living with insecurity, low self esteem, or self-loathing is overwhelming and emotionally draining. I’ve been there. It sucks and it’s hard. Really really hard.  And I’m sorry you’re going through this. No one deserves to feel this way. But I want you to know that you’re not alone. You’re loved. You can overcome this. YOU. CAN. DO. THIS.

But to do this, you’re gonna have to challenge yourself.

 

Challenge yourself to do the hard stuff

Here’s what would happen to me:

When I was in that place, I felt overwhelmed and angry (like raging). I wanted to be left alone because I felt like no one understood me (which also pissed me off). I hated er’thang and was so consumed by how I felt that I became stuck there.

But here’s the key, I had an internal battle going on that looked like this:

  • On one hand I just wanted to feel normal. I wanted to stop hurting, and be happy.
  • On the other hand, I was so convinced that how I felt was true, that I didn’t want to be consoled. The only thing that would’ve made me feel better is if I could magically fix the things I hated about myself. Without that, I refused to be comforted.

So here’s the choice I had to make, the choice you have to make: Feed the part of you that wants peace, happiness, and joy. How do you do that? By doing the hard stuff. By doing the things you really, reeeeally don’t want to do. Essentially, you must behave like you would if you weren’t insecure.

 

Stay away from this

Think of it this way. Imagine you have a toddler who throws temper tantrums whenever she doesn’t get her way. What happens if you continuously give into her? She’ll continue throwing temper tantrums because your actions support it. Duh.

If however, you don’t give into her, she’ll eventually stop doing it. Why? Because it doesn’t give her the results she wants.

No, I’m not calling you a toddler (relax sis), but the same principle applies. How you choose to respond to your own feelings, will either make things worse for you, or turn them around for you. That choice is yours. 

Now when you’re feeling insecure, especially in your worst moments you may be tempted to do all kinds of stuff. And some of those things may be really destructive (ex. cutting, drinking excessively, doing drugs, fighting, etc…  AND If you’re struggling with any of these things, please get help sis. Don’t try and fight this battle alone.)

The key here is that you don’t give into the part of you that’s raging. Stay away from any behavior that’s destructive. Don’t continue obsessing over those destructive and self-defeating thoughts. Those are the easiest things to do, but they will only ever make things worse for you. Trust me on that.

Instead feed the part of you that wants to get out of the place. The part of you that’s fighting for normalcy, happiness, peace, and love. Here’s how you can do that…

 

5 things to do when you’re feeling Insecure

One of the best ways to change how you feel, is to change what you’re doing. You can do any or all of the 5 things below to instantly pick yourself up.

 

1. Listen to something uplifting: 

When you’re in that place, there’s a soundtrack playing in your head. Mine usually sounded something like this, “I hate myself/everything/everyone…” Those negative thoughts are like shovels that dig you deeper into the hole. So, to change your internal soundtrack, you might have to change your external soundtrack.

Listen to something that will help shift your focus. I have playlists for almost any mood, including the moments when I’m feeling overwhelmed by insecurity. If you need some inspiration, check this one:

 

 

2.  Change your physical state.

The mind-body connection is amazing. Doing something physical can instantly start to impact your mood. Go for a run, hit the gym, do some yoga, whatever works for you. Seriously, research shows that after just 5 minutes of moderate exercise, you can start to experience a shift in your mood.

 

3. Surround yourself with the right people.

If you have people who can love on you, encourage you, motivate you, and uplift you, surround yourself with those people. For me, talking to my mom, dad, or husband helps because I know they’ll listen to me without judging me. You can even send me an email or DM me on Instagram. I’ll do my best to get back to you ASAP.

 

4. Act like you like do when you’re feeling your best.

This is probably going to be super hard, but it will help. Ask yourself this question, “if I was feeling my happiest right now, what would I be doing?” And then do that thing. For me, I’d take a shower, get dressed up, and put on some makeup. Even if I wasn’t going anywhere, the process of getting dressed up, made me feel better.

Or, I start reaching out to my friends/family and having casual conversations with them. When I was in my “sunken place”, I usually wanted to be left alone. Isolation fed my insecurity. To get out of that sunken place, I’d force myself to talk to and be around other people. Before I knew it, i’d feel my mood shifting.

Basically the goal is to do the opposite of what you feel like doing when you’re feeling your worst. 

 

5.  Acknowledge and sort through your feelings.

This is easier said than done, but commit to facing your feelings – ignoring them won’t help. So here’s what you can do…

Get Logical

If you’re finding it hard to pull yourself out of that slump, try reasoning with yourself. Here’s what I mean – i’m sure there are plenty of valid reasons why you feel the way you do. Thinking about those things consistently, enhances those feelings. It’s basic cause and effect.

Try flipping the script and forcing yourself to think about the things you can be grateful for. And if you’re honest, there are definitely things you can be grateful for. Just start listing them out.

You’re applying the same logic, but in a way that helps you.

I’ve found that doing this helps me to create a sense of mental balance. It forces me to acknowledge the things in my life (and the things bout myself) that I do love and appreciate. It’s harder to be hateful when you’re focusing on those things. lol

Now, I’d be lying if I said that counting my gratitude was usually enough to make me feel 100% better. It wasn’t. But it did help me move in the right direction.

The next step, was equally as important for me…

Sort your feelings

I’ve found that my insecurities usually fall into 2 categories – things I can change and things I can’t change.

One of my insecurities was around the way I carry my weight (in my tummy). This still irks me, but I can never change the way my body gains or loses weight. However, I’ll always have control over my diet and level of physical activity. Those things won’t change the way my body functions, but they could help me get to a weight that I was comfortable with.

Instead of raging about how unfair it is that my I gain all of my weight in all the wrong places, I committed to changing my diet and working out (btw i lost 30lbs and was so much happier with how I looked. My stomach was almost flat. lol).

Facing that issue and taking that action was a super practical way to battle feeling insecure.

There are other things I simply couldn’t change about myself – they’re simply out of my control. In those cases, the only thing I could do was change the way I thought about those things. That part took a lot of prayer, but it’s helped tremendously.

So here’s my point: change what you can and embrace what you can’t.

Even one small change can make a world of difference in how you feel about yourself.

So, whether it’s a physical change or a change in mindset, commit to doing things that will help you move out of that place of insecurity.

If you’re wondering where to start, this is the prayer that helped me

 

Pray this when you’re feeling insecure: The Serenity Prayer

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

Day 3 Challenge:

This week’s challenge is pretty simple Queen.

  1. Come up with a game plan for the next time you’re feeling insecure. What can you commit to doing to help you break free?

I’d love to hear what’s worked for you – drop a note in the comments telling me what you do to battle insecurity.

And lastly queen, I challenge you to do this: Be Courageous Enough To Embrace Your Flaws. Be Brave Enough to Accept Yourself. Be Humble Enough to Ask for Support. Be Wise Enough to Give it to God in Prayer.

 

w/ so much love and admiration,

 
 
 

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