Let’s talk about how to stop being jealous of other people’s lives…

I struggled with jealousy for years.

It’s a horrible feeling.

Fortunately, I don’t really feel jealous of people anymore.

Which is a huge deal, because I spent most of my life wishing I had what someone else had.

So today, I’m sharing what I’ve learned about how to stop being jealous of other people’s lives.

 

jealous natalie tran GIF
Source: Giphy

 

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Let’s keep it real….

Sigh… I wish I could pretend these moments didn’t exist… 

The moments when you come face to face with the ugly truth.

It’s uncomfortable to say the least.

My ugly truth was that I was jealous of my friends and family.

That’s the kinda thing I wished I could hide behind a perfect smile and a “beat” face…

But, jealousy will always make itself known.

And it’s one of those things you have to face head on, no matter how uncomfortable it makes you.

 

Jealousy exposed me

A few years ago, I thought I was killing the game.

I was growing as a person, growing in my relationship with God, feeling good about my personal growth and then BAAAM!

Out of nowhere, something happened…

I got this icky and all-too-familiar feeling in my heart.

It was pure unadulterated jealousy. 

 

Image result for that's no fair gif
Source: Giphy

 

I thought I’d evolved beyond feeling jealous of people, but there I was, suddenly struggling with it again.

I was watching the Lord bless someone with something that I desperately wanted.

Before I knew it, I found myself spiraling in feelings of anger, rejection, fear, and jealousy.

Asking the obvious questions like, “why’d you do that for them Lord and not me?

Pathetic, right? I know…

 

Jealousy exposes what’s really in your heart

In the middle of my pity party, 4 things became painfully obvious:

  1. What I was feeling was wrong.
  2. Even though I knew it was wrong, I couldn’t figure out how to pull myself out of it.
  3. Even though I couldn’t pull myself out of it on my own, I was embarrassed and ashamed to admit to anyone that I was struggling with it.
  4. And lastly, If I didn’t face this head on, I’d be disappointing myself and God.

God was exposing something in me that He wanted me to deal with.

He was bringing something to the surface that was ugly and painful and wrong.

And, even though I didn’t see it at the time, God had already extended His graciousness to me by putting people around me that I could show my “ugly” and broken parts to, who wouldn’t judge me, but who’d help me work through it.

Over the course of a few days and convos with my parents, bestie, and my husband, I found myself feeling free.

Free to love people and be genuinely happy for people.

That heavy spirit of jealousy left me, and I knew I’d taken one more step towards developing into the woman I’m destined to be.

 

jealous girls looking at friend

How to Stop Being Jealous of Other People’s lives:

Jealousy is an indicator that it’s time to change your perspective on things.

These 4 mindset shifts helped me overcome jealousy, and I pray they help you too.

 

1. Forced Gratitude

Jealousy is often connected to a feeling of lack.

You’re upset because you don’t have something that you want, and even more annoyed that someone else has it.

When you’re feeling jealous, the last thing you wanna do is start practicing gratitude.

But, it’s really the first and easiest way to tone down the jealousy.

Even if you have to force yourself to be grateful.

Gratitude makes it harder to hold on to feelings of jealousy and envy.

When I started focusing on the good things in my life, my heart started filling with gratitude.

If you’re being honest, I’m sure if you really thought about it, there’s a lot that you can be thankful for.

 

2. Focus your energy on the things you can control

God has good plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11).

Don’t miss the doors He’s opening for you because you’re too busy peeking through someone else’s window.

Jealousy is meant to distract your from your purpose and from all that God has done for you.

Jealousy can cost you your time, peace, happiness, relationships, and even your purpose.

Want to know how to deal with jealousy effectively?

Focus your energy on the things that inspire you, motivate you, and fill you with peace.

 

best friends holding hands

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3. Share your “Ugly” (metaphorically)

I remember feeling so embarrassed that I was even struggling with jealousy.

I knew I’d look like a crappy friend and person if I was honest about how I was feeling.

And so I was tempted to struggle in silence.

But here’s what I’ve learned…

The enemy of your soul wants nothing more than to watch you spiral in isolation.

Jealousy is not pretty. It’s awkward and uncomfortable.

But dealing with it by yourself will prob’ly make it worse.

God built us for relationships – we need other people.

Find people you can confide in, who care about your growth, and who you can have raw and honest convos with.

I couldn’t figure out how to change the conversation I was having in my head until I opened up to people who I could safely show the “ugliest” parts of myself to.

That when I was able to really breakthrough.

 

jealous woman staring at happy couple

 

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4. Remember that Life Happens to Everyone

You never know what someone has REALLY gone through, is going through, or will go through.

And if you did, you probably wouldn’t be jealous of them

This was one of the most sobering realizations I had when learning how to deal with jealousy.

Remember, we can only see a part of a story.

And, as cliche as it sounds, everything that glitters isn’t gold.

The morning after I let go of that spirit of jealousy, we turned on the news to find that Anthony Bourdain died by apparent suicide. Heartbreaking.

A man, who from the outside had it all and lived a life that most people will never experience, took his own life.

He was surrounded by tons of people daily, and I don’t think anyone suspected that he was suffering the way he was.

It’s easy to make judgements about the quality of life someone has because of the things they can buy, the opportunities they have, the person they’re married to, etc.

But the truth is YOU NEVER KNOW what someone is really dealing with.

1 Samuel 16 says, “For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart.”

Here’s the truth…

The grass isn’t greener on the other side, it’s greener where you water it.

I know it’s easier said than done, but you will outgrow jealousy as you shift your focus to cultivating more good in your life, being the best person you can be, and living with gratitude.

 

Pray about it

If you’re struggling with jealousy, pray about it.

Seriously, prayer will help.

God loves you and He wants to help you move beyond jealousy.

Philippians 2:13 says, “For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.”

Ask Him to help you become someone who celebrates others instead of being jealous of them.

Ask Him to help you become confident in who He’s created you to be and to trust that He has good plans for you.

Surrender those feelings to God and He will help you overcome jealousy.

 

READ THIS NEXT: Bible Verses on Jealousy

 

Your struggles don’t define you

Remember, even in all your mess, God still calls you His Masterpiece.

The journey to becoming the person He’s called us to be requires growth, which can be painful.

However, the reward of going through the process is 10000% worth it.

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Have you struggled with jealousy before?

If so, share some tips you’ve discovered on how to deal with jealousy.

 

With oodles of love,

B. Whyte

PS. So many people suffer in silence because they feel the need to be perfect.

They’re working to keep up appearances (I see this everywhere, especially in the church.)

I’m tired of hearing stories about people who spiraled out of control, or took their lives, because they were being crushed under the weight of their burdens.

It shouldn’t be like that.

I want to encourage you to be open, honest, and authentic.

You’re not the first person to go through something, and you’re not alone.

You’re loved, needed, and  wanted.

I pray this blog blesses you and encourages you.

 

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a girl standing next to who her friend who's getting married and giving her a dirty look. caption reads "the key to overcome jealousy in your friendships"

Want to know how to stop being jealous of others? Are you angry about your friends blessings when you should be celebrating them. This blog post will show you how to stop being jealous so you can walk in the blessings God has for you.

w/ light and love,

B-Whyte-Signature

Matthew 5:14 – You are the light of the world. And like a city on a hill that cannot be hidden.

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