If you are low on self esteem, I’m pretty sure the answer to this question will be “Yeessss, that’s me!” But let’s test that theory, shall we?…
Can you ever relate to not feeling…
- good enough?…
- smart enough?…
- pretty enough?…
- talented enough?…
- educated enough?…
- experienced enough?…
- “something” enough?…
If so, then keep reading. I promise you that by the end of this post you’ll know why you’re low on self esteem, what low self esteem really is (including some of the most common low self esteem signs)
Low on self esteem? Me too girl. (well, I used to be)
Do you ever look around and see countless other girls who have the looks, talents, smarts, or personality, you wish you had? It’s heartbreaking!
Whatever the reason, I know that feeling like you’re not enough sucks.
For years, I would either:
? Avoid looking in mirrors
? Or, look in the mirror while contorting my body.
I’d imagine how awesome I’d look if I could just change some things. Then I’d get angry because that only made me feel worse. Then I’d repeat that process the next time I stopped in front of a mirror. It was a tiring (and really stupid) cycle.
Who do you blame your low self worth on?
I used to blame God for it.
After all, I believed in God and I believed that He made me.
Ergo, it was His fault for not making me good enough.
So for most of my teenage and adult life I was really, really angry at Him. I blamed Him for making everyone else better than me.
I was raised Christian, but I couldn’t trust a God I believed made me “less than” everyone else.
Related Post: God’s Love for you: 7 Scriptures and a challenge
But all of that changed when I found out the truth about my low self worth.
It’s the same reason you have low self esteem. And, I have to warn you, it’s going to make you angry.
Now, even if you’re not a Christian, just hear me out – I think you’ll still find truth in this…
You have low self esteem on purpose…
Yup, I said what I said. You have low self esteem on purpose.
?No, it’s not your fault.
?Yes, it is on you to change your view of yourself.
I won’t leave you hanging though. At the end, I’m going to give you links to my 5 day challenge designed to help you ditch low self worth and experience a new level of freedom.
I know as good as anyone that having low self esteem sucks, so I hope you’ll take me up on this challenge.
Before we go further let’s cover the basics and make sure we’re on the same page.
What is low self esteem?
Low Self Esteem Definition: “Low self-esteem is characterized by a lack of confidence and feeling badly about oneself. People with low self-esteem often feel unlovable, awkward, or incompetent.” – Psych Alive
YES, YES, AND YES. I spent most of my life feeling all of those things. All of em!
That’s the low self esteem definition, now let’s look at some of the signs of low self esteem.
7 Low self esteem signs
Now, here’s where I start proving that you have low self worth and self esteem issues on purpose.
Let’s take a look at some of the signs of low self esteem. These are some of the ones I personally struggled with a lot.
- You practice negative self talk daily. You’re constantly thinking about the things you believe are wrong with you or the ways you wish you were different.
- You prefer to “hide” in social situations. Whether you’re always on your phone when you do go out, or always finding reasons to avoid going out, low self esteem can lead to social withdrawal.
- You’re constantly slouching. Body language speaks volumes. Consistently slouching can be one of the first signs that you’re struggling with confidence.
- You’re way too sensitive to constructive criticism. Nobody likes being criticized, but it takes you to a whole new low. I think this is partly because any kind of criticism feels like proof that other people also think you’re not good enough.
- You’re constantly afraid of rejection. One study revealed that people with low self esteem are “hypervigilant and hyperalert to signs of rejection, inadequacy, and rebuff.”
- You quit and give up way more than you should. You’re struggling with your confidence as it is – failing at something just feels like more than you can deal with. So you either give up too soon, or if you’re like I was, you also avoid trying challenging things altogether.
- You’re constantly comparing yourself to others. Strangers, friends, the person standing in front of you at Starbucks – you’re always judging yourself against other people.
There are plenty more, but we’ll stop there…
If you have any of those 7 low self esteem signs, then ask yourself this…
If you’re struggling with any of those 7 signs (or others) on a regular basis, how is it impacting your life?
Personally, those 7 behaviors kept me from really going after the life I wanted.
I was too afraid of rejection, too afraid of failure…
I was afraid that If I really tried 100%, I’d only end up proving that I wasn’t really good enough.
So, what’d I do? I hid, played small, avoided being too noticeable.
In my 20s, I began asking myself a question that changed everything for me – “What kind of life will I have if I keep letting low self esteem get the best of me?”
And the truth was, I’d have a wack life. I couldn’t bring myself to settle for living a life I couldn’t be proud of. Can you?
Low Self Worth will Cost you
If you allow low self esteem to stick around, it can absolutely keep you from living a life of purpose.
It’ll cause you to shrink back, and it’ll silence the part of you deep inside that’s begging for a more fulfilling existence.
Low self esteem can cost you your dreams and goals. It can keep you from showing up fully in this world and impacting the people who are waiting to be inspired and helped by you.
Can you live with that?
If not, then keep reading.
Low Self Esteem? Check your beliefs.
Knowing you have low self esteem is the easier part.
Getting rid of it and building your confidence and self worth is err… harder. But, it’s doable – you can do this sis.
Here’s the deal, you feel badly about yourself because the things you believe about yourself are negative.
With me so far? Okay good.
So to increase your confidence and self worth, one of the best things you can do is change your beliefs about yourself.
You’re probably asking, “Where do I start? How would I even do that?”
I’m glad you asked…
I tried a bunch of different things before I finally cam back around to the only one that helped me, God.
Proof that you have low self esteem on purpose
Earlier in the post, I told you that I’d prove that your low self esteem is on purpose. Here we go…
If you’re struggling with this then know these 3 things:
- Your beliefs about yourself don’t line up with what God says about you.
- You’re not alone and the struggle you’re having is not an accident. You’re under attack.
- Those self-defeating thoughts are weapons of mass destruction being aimed at your mind.
When the enemy attacks your identity, he’s attacking your purpose and your future.
[bctt tweet=”An attack on your identity is an attack on your purpose and future.” username=”mrsbwhyte”]
Sounds a little dramatic, right? But, let me prove it to you…
How many times has your low self esteem…
- Kept you from going after things you really wanted?
- Kept you from showing up in this world the way you really want to?
- Caused you to hide in the background instead of moving forward in boldness and in faith?
- Caused you to spend countless hours feeling so badly that you couldn’t do anything productive?
And, let’s be honest, will you ever be the ABSOLUTE best version of yourself (the version of yourself you really want to be) if low self esteem continues to hang around?
If we’re really being honest, we both know the answer is “no sis, I won’t.”
The enemy attacks your identity to keep you from living in your God given purpose and power.
He attacks your beliefs about the 2 people you absolutely need in order to fully live a purpose driven and powerful life:
- God and
He’s done the same thing since the beginning of time.
The 1st identity crisis
One night I was being bombarded by negative thoughts about myself. Like usual my insecurity was taking over and self-sabotaging thoughts darted back and forth relentlessly in my mind.
In the midst of the chaos, I distinctly heard the Holy Spirit ask a question that changed my life.
He asked, “when the serpent approached Eve in the garden, was he attacking her identity?” It seemed like an odd question, but after thinking about it, the answer was clear.
It was so obvious, but I’d never realized it before- He did attack her identity.
He told her that if she ate the fruit, she’d be like God. But umm… she was already like God.
God made both Adam and her in His image. But because she didn’t know who she truly was, the enemy hit her with the okey-doke. He fed her a lie and stole what God had for her.
The result? She went from being a ruler, having dominion, and walking in provision, to living a life tragically below the one God wanted her to live.
[bctt tweet=”If the enemy can convince you that you’re not really who God says you are, he’ll trick you into giving up the destiny God’s given you.” username=”mrsbwhyte”]
How you view yourself can determine your future
Your perception and beliefs about yourself determine whether you conquer giants and rule like David or stay stuck in the wilderness like the children of Israel.
Queen, you’re under attack. That’s a fact.
But, you get to choose whether you’ll fight for your purpose and your identity or whether you’ll give it up.
Now I know this probably hasn’t changed what you believe about yourself yet (don’t worry we’ll get there). For now, I just want you to know why you’re going through this.
Related Post: A Love Note to the Queen who feels Forgotten By God
Don’t get punked. Get Angry.
I don’t know about you, but I can’t stand bullies. When I realized that I was being attacked, I was frustrated because I didn’t know how to stop feeling that way.
I wanted to be a better version of myself, I wanted to be free from insecurity and I wanted to feel normal…
I hated not knowing how to do that, but I had to do something because I knew staying in such a dark place would eventually be the end of me.
So I had to decide… either I was going to let the enemy punk me and rob me of any chance of having a better existence, or I was going to get angry and fight back.
It’s a choice we all get to make, and it’s a choice you get to make.
Even if you can’t imagine what your future could look like, if there’s any part of you that wants more for yourself… that wants to find out what God’s best is for you, then you have to find your reason to fight.
Find your reason to fight…
I’m not going to pretend it’ll be easy or that you’ll always feel like fighting for your future.
So you have to find something that’s going to motivate you even when you’re not feeling up to it.
Mine is my future daughter (no, i’m not preggo yet, but I have always imagined myself having a baby girl). And if the enemy tries to attack her and make her feel an ounce of what I felt throughout my life, I want to be there to stop him in his tracks.
Even in the moments I didn’t feel like pushing through, I knew that I had to protect my daughter. I knew she’d grow up watching me and I didn’t want her to follow in my footsteps.
So my reason to fight was not just for my future, but also for the future of my family, and of MY baby girl.
You can find something within you that gives you reason enough to fight. I don’t know what it is, but I know that it exists.
It’s the same thing that prompted you to read this blog post and maybe several others like this.
It’s there. Find it. Latch on to it. And let’s go.
Overcoming low self esteem – Welcome to your Challenge
Before we get into the challenge, here’s what I’m NOT asking you to do. I’m not asking you to know exactly how you’re going to do this, or to pretend like the hurt you’re feeling isn’t real.
I am however asking you to decide.
Decide to fight through the hurt, through the tears, and through the negative thoughts. Choose to take one step at a time in the direction of the future you want for yourself.
Queen, you’re not defined by where you are in your life right now or who you’ve been up to this point.
There’s a God in heaven who’s able to take the weight of your hurt, anger, and everything else. And He can (and wants to) give you a future better than you’ve ever imagined.
Day 1 Challenge
So if you’re ready to move forward and to take back your future, here’s what I want you to do:
- Decide, and i mean really commit to fighting for your future.
- Drop a comment below and let me know what your WHY is.
- Imagine yourself having won the battle and having stepped into a new level of freedom, confidence, and hope. As that person right a letter to yourself today, encouraging yourself to push through.
- Subscribe using the form below to get encouragement and motivation straight to your inbox.
- Move on to the Day 2 Challenge using the link below.
We’re going in Queen. Next we’ll be dealing with the elephant in the room, how to trust a God you believe made you “less than.”
5 Day Challenge – Overcoming Low Self Esteem
- Day 1 – you’re here now 🙂
- How to trust a God you believe made you “less than” – Day 2
- 5 things to do to help you overcome low self esteem- Day 3
- Declare these affirmations daily to overcome low self esteem – Day 4
- Subscribe to get love notes, encouragement, and support – Day 5
Other Resources for building self esteem, confidence, and self-worth
- Song about Insecurity – A playlist to encourage you on your journey to overcome low self esteem
- Love Note – You were meant for greatness
- Feel like a failure? Do these 5 things
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w/ light and love,
Matthew 5:14 – You are the light of the world. And like a city on a hill that cannot be hidden.